I got off to a very ambitious start with this blogging, but now it has been a while since I posted. September was a busy month for me. I ran out of TIME - and I want to talk about that. I have been blessed with the gift of creativity. But - there have been many periods in my life when my creative ability took a back seat so that I could pay the bills or devote myself to caring for and being the voice of animals. Though I tattooed full time for 13 years and created many custom designs during that time, my schedule and other interests left no TIME to just create for ME. Though I ignored my gift for months on end... my creativity was always there waiting for me whenever I needed it, guaranteed to boost my self esteem better than any relationship ever could. I took it for granted for many many years and wasted much TIME when I should have been nurturing this precious gift. So often our career defines our identity. It is easy to hide behind this persona and neglect ourselves. Responsibilities and obligations keep us busy at our jobs ... We tend to lose sight of who WE truly are. Many of you who have met me over the last 14 years knew me as the voice of elephants, someone who was devoted to elephants every moment of every day. That became my identity and I basked in it. I LOVE ELEPHANTS. I loved working for them. And... doing so was the perfect escape - from ME. Sure, I was still a creative.. writing, taking photos, sometimes tattooing and painting - always ELEPHANTS... I gave their personalities and stories a voice. It felt effortless. As an empath and intuitive I could feel their feelings easily, which was both a good and bad thing. Coming to terms with yourself, your TRUE self - not your occupational identity - can be rather overwhelming and even a bit terrifying. Re-establishing yourself as just YOU after years of being defined by your occupation is a very daunting task. As I entered my 50's, which in itself is a bit traumatic ... I had to experience this very thing. It was TIME to move on. I had to start over. I will spare you the gory details but is was quite intense. I hit some new lows. I considered giving up completely but couldn't do that to my son. It was impossible to just pick up and leave with a kid, rooster, hen, two senior citizen dogs and a cat. So I had to stay in a place where I no longer felt comfortable until I could manifest a new life. It was incredibly depressing. What was my coping mechanism? ART! My creativity was there, once again waiting in the wings ready to pick me back up. Painting, drawing, collaging, journalling... I immersed myself and thank goodness I did. Creating gave me the sense of self worth and satisfaction that I needed to get through that rough time. Now that I am relatively settled in my new life and consider myself a full time artist, there are still days when i feel lost and aimless. Sometimes I am not sure what I should be doing. Ironically, I can get overwhelmed by NOT having a schedule - yet elated at the same time. But when I complete a piece of art, I feel a sense of accomplishment. So back to September... why was it so hectic? As I am now choosing to devote the majority of my TIME to creating, I am constantly looking for free art courses on line and also taking some workshops that fit within my budget. There is a great creative community online I am so thankful for, which really helped me get through those rough patches. I had been hearing about this '30 paintings in 30 days' challenge that many artists around the world were participating in and how helpful it was for one's practice. I decided to take part in the recent challenge that began September 1st. Ironically, the end of August was very productive for me. Thanks to an amazing and inspiring artist named Mystele and her recent offering, I was doing a painting a day without even thinking about it. So... Sure! Why not try doing one painting a day for the month of September - No problem, right? What I learned from taking part in '30in30' As I mentioned earlier. I no longer have a 'job'. Of course I still have obligations and go off and do things from time to time. BUT ... I have NO IDEA how people who actually DO have a regular job could ever complete this challenge! As it was, I found it difficult to keep up and I am sure I had way more time than most of the other artists. There is a completely different feeling when you know you need to complete a painting in one day, than when you are just painting and it doesn't matter when you finish - it added an element of stress and made some of the paintings feel forced or rushed. Though I did create some things I am really happy with, the TIME limit was distressing. I couldn't enjoy the process as much. This challenge made me realise that I have a pretty strong creative practice already and a relatively steady output - without having to make that end of day deadline. As I mentioned in an earlier blog post, I have learned the importance of taking breaks and stepping back to be able to see a work in progress with renewed eyes so that it can evolve organically. 30in30 doesn't allow for that luxury. Though I am glad I participated in this challenge, I won't bother to do so again. Which also brings me back to the issue of TIME. We spend most of our lives on the go - working that job, losing ourselves, trying to make ends meet, saving for our futures, our kids ... we are so incredibly busy thinking of tomorrow, we rarely enjoy TODAY. Though I don't have a regular job or steady income (but am a single parent with a son to provide for and monthly living expenses) ... I am happy to say that my time is my OWN now. I have the time to enjoy my son, my animals, the clouds, the birds singing, to feel that I am the last person on earth, to surround myself with nature, to do my art, make healthy delicious food, go on bike rides. I don't regret my choices or where I am at now. Sure it can be difficult, but I am pretty darn FREE. My feelings were reinforced when I recently visited a former co-worker. We had worked for the same organization for 9 years. I always liked her, but we never really had the TIME for a true friendship to develop. Her hours were long and she is a mother as well. Days off were devoted to family. She had always invited me to come to visit her place, but my dedication to the elephants and my own parental obligations kept me from ever getting there as TIME was limited - until recently. In August 2016, she finally decided to stop working and spend more time with her kids and on her land. Only 7 months later she found out she had cancer, which is now spreading through her body at a devastating speed. She is weak and needs assistance. I drove out to her place with another good friend. When we arrived we couldn't believe the paradise she had created. Her place was remote, beautiful with a breathtaking view. She had planned ahead and planted fruit trees, herbs and many flowers. I found myself feeling so sad because she had worked so hard and so much to save for her children's future and create such a beautiful home ... but while doing so, she never actually got a chance to enjoy her home or get much time with her children. TIME had gotten away from her. There wasn't enough time in the day - and now her time was running out. Her prognosis is not good. I pray that she will have some level of comfort and the simple joys of being with her children, on her land. She deserves this. Today's world doesn't allow us much free time. As I get older I realize how precious TIME is. Everyone is always trying to get ahead ... but I think I am going to try harder to stay behind. Yes, I do still need money to survive, but I am glad that I have learned to live with less. If my art can bring me income that is a plus, but I now create because it is necessary for ME. With every creative output I feel a bit richer. It may not fill my belly but it feeds my soul. I remain hopeful that one day my creative efforts will bear fruit. We all must strive to devote more time to doing what we love. Don't take TIME for granted or soon you will find that your time is up. Take the time to notice the simple beauty in nature, you never know when it may be too late. The TIME is NOW.
30 Comments
|
AuthorMy name is Jodi. I am an Artist, Vegan, Activist, Nature Worshipper, Animal Lover, Idea Person, Strategist, Writer, Intuitive, Empath and Mom. Life can be exciting and complicated. I am easily distracted by horizons filled with fantastic mountains and cloud formations. Archives
March 2018
Categories
All
#elephants #artists #vegan #mixed media #art therapy #animal activism
|